I thought about how I would write this entry for almost two days now.

The night that Summer passed away, I was still in a state of shock and disbelief. Yesterday, I was a mess. My boss actually offered for me to take the rest of the day off and rest a bit. I declined, because I didn't want to go back to the empty apartment.

Summer is Marks cat. We all collectively moved in together in May of last year, but Summer and I got along while me and Mark had been dating, after all, I was over at his house a lot.

But where Summer really grew on me was how human like he could be. He loved cuddling after dinner, and liked being affectionate / being pet all the time. Rarely would he bite or scratch anyone, he was just a friendly cat.

I will admit that it was lonely with Mark working late or being out with his friends. But Summer was always there to snuggle up while I knit or play video games. He even scolded us for making him worry if we got home later than usual, and he prodded me in the morning if I was late getting up.

I have been getting up late since he's been gone.

I miss him watching over me as I get ready for work, or cook in the kitchen. I miss him being annoying while I was doing chores or watching tv. He always knew that I had a soft spot for him, and after falling asleep on Ms side of the bed, he'd always somehow end up on my arm or even on my pillow, because he knew M would never tolerate all the fur that he'd shed on the sheets. He knew that I'd keep him warm and let him snuggle up.

I'd relax and unwind in front of the television, and Summer would leap into my lap and demand to be pet. I'd always talk to him while I pet him.

Summer loved being pet on the forehead, and around the neck and cheeks. He loved human food like sour cream and onion chips, and cheezies. After visiting the pet hospital in the summer last year, his appetite slowly increased and he loved eating bacon, ham, fish, shrimp and even steak one time.

It's hauntingly ironic that the night he passed away, we gave him a piece of sea bass, which he gratefully nibbled on while M noted that Summer was eating lots of new food.

I joked that maybe after the hospital, Summer had decided that he had more insight, "and wanted to sieze every opportunity to live!"

He was in my lap eating the fish at that time, and sat for a little while longer while I pet him. He went to the bedroom when we got up to clear the table.

I was in the kitchen for a while longer cooking some lunch for the next day, and cleaning. M was watching tv and had the volume up. We watched tv for about an hour longer, before M decided to brush his teeth.

We found Summer gone, sprawled on the bedroom floor.

It was kind of a blur what happened the rest of the night. We cried and yelled and screamed. We packed up some of Summers things and transported him and his items to Ms mothers house. We wanted to bury Sum close to his mother. It was cold...at least Summer looked peaceful.

I have the urge to get another cat, but knowing that the new cat would never be like Summer, or could be gone as suddenly as him stings.

My family was never into pets when I was growing up, and so I never understood that pet connection - but I understand it now. Pets are amazing companions. No, you don't always understand them and they don't always understand you, but they try. And they don't judge. They love you and just want love in return. They don't care if you are fat or ugly or smell funny - they just love you.

And they're irreplaceable.

Bye Sum Sum. Love you baby.